I feel a bit calmer even if I’m scared. I don’t know if what I experienced or what I’m dealing with now has anything to do with neurology. Even the neurologists would probably be disturbed by what I heard.
“I get bleedthroughs from other times.”
That doesn’t sound too good to a neurologist.
“I am psychic.”
Okay, let’s just make sure everything is functioning, I think they would say, that’s the neurologist, right? And the thing is, my heart, my stomach, everything was affected. I took psychedelics, but I don’t know anything about the neurology of repression, even? The therapist I spoke with probably knows ahout it, but that might be a better bet.
Maybe a neurologist would be able, taking a deep breath, be able to eluciate how I could have gone through a full body event — even? If they go, “hmmm,” not sure about THAT, but I did go through a large event, and maybe it’s not even that big of a deal, maybe it’s just something I can treat. If I’m having issues in that regard. I don’t know if I needed my brain to be rewired, to be frank, or channeler tapes. I don’t know how deeply ideas can affect a person? I don’t know what they would say to my psychic gifts, even.
I wonder what a neurologist would say to all this. If they’ve dealt with complex cases? People seeing things? Again, I don’t get the sense that neurology is corrective, even, but more so, I don’t even know what the fuck to say about me being psychic. People seem to be intuitive. I just didn’t need to be.
I’m going to go check it out. I feel fine most of the time, I can think, process, and get up on a stage, it’s clear I’m fine. But if there’s something I can do to alleviate some of these spots I can find myself in, maybe it’s not that complicated. I went through a large event. So that’s what I’m going to do. Maybe it was more neurological — but again, I don’t want to read a book right now, I want to talk someone who might be able to deal with that system.
Just the guru plagues me, truly speaking, and I don’t know what that means, but “WHY are you doing this to YOURSELF,” I can’t deal with him. He was a horror show. Why does he filter through my thoughts? Anything to say about manipulation? That guy was crazy.
I have no idea if I could have had an experience with psychedelics later, for example, I mean, ayahausca did reactivate itself in my gut. I had pain in areas of my body, so I wonder what they would say. That makes me feel better, actually, as a thought. I don’t always feel 100% in that way. Look, like, if I felt time change when I was 9 or 10, even, a couple of times, you know? I’m not sure if I’m giving that person psychedelics.
There’s another avenue to explore, since I don’t know if I went through a psychosis, and you know, people, and I might say this, eventually, could perhaps exercise a bit of a doctor’s mindset, in that, they don’t know what’s going on unless the evaluate. These people pissed me off, my friends, the psychics. I needed — okay, which doctors could you see to figure it out. Put your feelings aside. If a doctor operated like that, not like hunches don’t happen, they would kill someone. People get misdiagnosed, mistreated, all the time. I wasn’t even diagnosed with anything.
But a message hitting me in the gut, feeling blocks of stone move, maybe this might make sense to a neurologist. I was dealing with a lot of crazy shit. So this guru hypnotherapist — might have suggested seeing a neurologist, is that out of his reach? In general, people could exercise humility. This — oh, walking on eggshells around mental health is infuriating. “No one knows what just happened,” try it next time, if you actually love someone.
So that’s what I’m doing. That makes me feel better.
I’m going to go through the body of that event, sensationally, as are they going to tell me that sensations in my private parts could be neurological? I had enough of know-it-alls that just look stupid. I’m going to simply explore different avenues to determine WHAT I dealt with. It doesn’t seem like it’s that big of a deal.
I went to a chiropractor, a special one, after I got out of the hospital, because I had weird back pains, which were nervous system related, fluid, so I would get adjusted and go for a walk, again —
It was not the time to travel. I suffered maybe unnecessarily with people who believe that YOU CAN HEAL EVERYTHING YOURSELF AND THAT YOU’RE DOING IT REGARDLESS.
I mean, some of what I’m going to say is going to sound a little crazy to anyone.
But can you imagine? My ex told me that the “shaman is sticky?” Since he was in my thoughts, my sphere. He put amphetamines — something in his substances? Something that bothered people. What? And this is someone who has extremely high-profile clients, so I mention that.
I feel relieved. If there’s abuse somewhere back there, okay, I can handle that, if I went through something fucking crazy, I can handle that. What I need to know, is what I went through. Maybe I can pitch an article about it.
I don’t think I went through a psychosis, just because I was impacted in my stomach, but I did go through a series of strange experiences leading up to that, and the stupid talk that I was “Carl Jung’s The Red Book, that I went through an awakening, therapeutic event,” I’m Terminator, basically, with these men — they will fall. Exercise a little humility — across the fucking board.
I had to basically put a strong line between me and everybody I knew. Stay away.
People are SO obsessed with mental health. They think people can’t be misunderstood? Misdiagnosed? There’s little crossover. My father had some kind of neurological disorder. So, I want to kill — obliterate the psychic people — I want to obliterate the plant people. OBLITERATE! Do a fucking induction. Ridiculous. Was I a candidate?
“Psychic. “A portal channel antenna…” imagine me telling a neurologist this? “For real, someone told me this, on multiple planes of existence…” I just wonder what they’d say, even a true experimentalist like Oliver Sacks.
That’s next. I’m doing that first, actually.