AWKWARD…thinking about DR. J.
I had to laugh. My mother was a liar of liars. Totally strange.
And in watching this scene, you know, people can get angry, people can get angry…when people…lie. Even overreact. You see, Death, the Oldest Storyteller — there’s a section about that since people aren’t looking for perfection. Not in love. That’s not Death’s impression. I had this amazing moment, personally, when I started feeling so many feelings, messy, even, and feeling the value in them. I can’t wait to get upset. Blow up. The thing is, my father and I exclusively fought. But it started to feel so wonderful to have access to that…marvelous picturing myself saying…excuse me?! You have to care…care was another section, sometimes, I would have to take it slow, the feeling of care was overwhelming. Do I get upset with my friend, over that, getting lost, I can’t quite direct my feelings, just start caring. The rest will work itself out. I had to make new friends, in a sense, who encouraged me to keep writing, talking, supporting me.
I no longer care, also.
“Okay, Maria? You’re overreacting…” That’s my new goal. In a sense. AND? I might say “I am ACTING IN LINE, thank you.” I might crack up in the beginning. Marvelous scene. WHO’S THIS? Who is this, hand scanning, this? Get possessive. That wasn’t me. Angela bursts into my room — because she had a feeling, okay? She wants me, in the dark, to stop working this job. Could be a good rom com, or love story, about a woman who just comes into the equation, comedic, touching, Harris. Expecting to be approached in a particular way. Go on dates. I’m telling you. A couple of my boyfriends said that I was the first…and they had to watch how they put this… woman that they saw as a person first. Meaning, I didn’t act like a girl…I wasn’t asking for…anything…expecting anything from them…as men. I thought, I get that. It’s time to have more fun. I got mad, actually, I did get mad, when my boyfriend sent me flowers. On Valentine’s Day.
How funny is that?
It’s not like I haven’t gotten mad, but it was sort of just pinwheels in my eyes, I think. It was rare. Like fuck off. How dare you? I’m not afraid of losing anyone, does that make sense? Or, I know that I can be hurt, so that’s good to know, and like, people can take care of themselves. I don’t like hurting people. Which is good. I don’t have a dilemma over that or my goodness anymore either. From a certain perspective, my 2nd surrogate house? I don’t give a shit. Honestly. That was a bit of a ride. That house was sticky, so again, thought about the oldest storyteller, that flash, because that house as sticky. There was a lot of sticky emotions there, thought about the self more largely. Like, if I would have died, let’s say, theoretically, would I have hung around there. Just by nature of having gotten STUCK there, once I got to the meat of it, just the rage once I started really realizing that my father was SICK, this is why this WHOLE STORY HAPPENED. Obviously. Everything began to change.
I like this movie, by the way, I forgot that Bale is British. Monologues. Good writing. Scenes for actors. Mangold’s direction, it was nominated for an Academy Award. I see why. Just getting to know people.
NO! Bale is on fire! NOOOOOOOOOOOO Damon is RUNNING. Please no no no he’s not dead. Just please. Thank God.
This is fun. A biographical sports drama. True stories are fun. I mean Christmas in Naples is a Sport. People like sports movies. And it’s really funny how intense it is. Such a great party, ancient, like we’re going ONE MONTH. At least. No need for calendars, just please, we just know and we go. You must be ready when the time comes, that’s it. The Neapolitans are amazingly spontaneous. Just Angela turning and calling me “Allegra?” After my explosive performance at the dinner table in this super odd direction where I have to channel the Brazilian mother to be BELIEVED. They can tell she’s real. Yes.
But this movie is giving me a lot to think about…the racing sequences…just thinking about the party scenes in Once Upon a Time on Miracle Mile… since these people have to get closer to Maria. Especially after the nosedive :( well, I just didn’t see bees, looking up at that treehouse. I didn’t see the bees, so just picture a fight between Angelita and Anthony kicking up as you see the two of us going up to that treehouse outside the window. Me leading the way. Just structurally actually. Not exactly, but you love these sequences. Focused.
Isn’t it unbelievable? Ford wants to beat Ferrari? Why are they so gross? Wanting to get rid of that driver, like who cares? LUCAS, just STOP. He locked him inside, good. Wow, that’s a big offer. Just take my company completely. He has to win. So you race for hours? Seriously? So it’s about the CAR, I get it, how good your car is. Sure, you “build” cars, but can they race? How long? You want him to beat these suits.
You see, the cars reflecting in Bale’s sunglasses? That’s Dr. J.
Bale becomes, he does, but Damon does too, no? I mean, I’m interested in this line. Barbara Harris is becoming someone else. it doesn’t challenge her talent in the slightest. She seemed to puzzle people. What was going on, right? Reading these press clippings.
As Bale does it to good music. He wins! BULLSHIT Shelby is going to be owned by FORD. His heart though. It’s okay. It’s nice, it looks really good, even the tiki bar. The framing is sharp. Everything is sharp. I don’t know what to say about — what 1989 looked like, but this film is so sharp.
Now the ITALIAN aka Sacha Baron Cohen is smiling.
The sound is super well done. Feeling like him right now, put her in the fast lane — go MARIA go. Make a movie. Become a filmmaker in one month. And do it, as BALE did it, in the RAIN. This sound design is really good. Couldn’t you picture this director doing something comedic too? Dark. Just this rain scene. Getting very real? Since that situation was really real. Once Upon a Time on Miracle Mile. The one I was in at four years old that I’m going to sell soon. I asked the producer for notes…if he had them…and he didn’t.
Maybe I’ll mention this movie.
The VoiceOver in the beginning…hasn’t come back yet…these racing sequences, how fun they are. I enjoy the drama and intensity of it. These parties don’t have to go that long, either, but scenes can happen at one of these parties. Jose was truly funny just picture Ben Stiller. Everyone dances.
Time, I wasn’t sure how to phrase this, can move in a non-realistic way…just because it takes place in one house. If these girls are over the couch, going into the next scene to take it to the next level by putting on a performance for MARIA’s father, the child molester who’s sentenced to stand at the door. Well, eventually, I don’t know, she can blink, turn, and there’s another party. You get it’s not there, but she could be spacing out, whatever. Next song.
Angelita puts on a love song at a party, and then, she’s in the car…”pay attention.” Vice versa. She’s dancing, she’s clapping, she’s living and breathing in that red Cadillac and mini-van. She’s on the level. She has this level of passion— this race car sequence, when it comes to learning these love songs — yeah. This isn't 100% — this is 150.
And he wins.
I love the sound. This sound, in the end, when he’s in the lead, there’s something to it, in thinking about this group of people, something moving, ambient. MARIA looking at this, a totally different person. Uh oh, Damon is going to lose it, satisfying. He has a heart condition you piece of shit Lucas.
This line is interesting to me — what the self is.
You see, to me, what Barbara Harris knew, what she didn’t, whatever this was, after what I went through recently…that’s a deep question. I have no idea what her family was like, home life was like, but apparently it was a traumatic childhood.
F these people. Win the race, man. Bale just do it.
This company shit is SO annoying.
The whole POINT is to win.
A photo? Who cares? You just beat a record.
It’s interesting from an American perspective, you know, “The United States of America,” because this sort of individualism is what it’s all about, you can make it. Obama even said it, having made it. But the COMPANY comes first. That’s more of a monarchial idea. We the court decide. I can get you banned. Tyrannical.
I’ll think about what this director would do with my story. These elements involved. Mangold. A man known for his versatility. The lighting so so pretty. I like Damon’s VoiceOver in the beginning and end, the sound, “movement and speed,” something about the dance, heartbreak. A close up on…not a hat, but home basically. The details. That’s Maria. The rainbows. Why always his glasses? But these personal details tell me what their attachments are. What they care about.
These two people are legends.
I don’t know what to say about the social services section in Once Upon a Time on Miracle Mile — I have to do research into WHAT they would have done in my case, but I see that trial, even if it’s fictional, since that’s the power of drama, actually, you can do that. I see that as being important in some way. I don’t know, we’ll see.
I can’t really explain it, I know it’s a period piece, Ford v Ferrari, super clear title, but there’s something kinda timeless about it too. He has to calm down. His heart.
Big fan of these two guys— can’t do it? Well, they did it, more than once. They did “the impossible.” Ferrari was like, what?
And here is The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar, an Oscar winner. It’s a short too. I could do a short.
I like Mangold. I’ll think about him.
Thinking about Death, the oldest storyteller.
Now I’m going to watch Bradley Cooper become Bernstein. And keep watching movies. I guess I’ll work on Xmas in Naples tomorrow, the narrative form, like, Bukowski, I keep on putting a hand there like please help me. He likes, in particular, the foliage section. There’s something pretty about the coast coming to life, winter life, sure, but what grows there…and my cousin is supplying all the produce from his farm. So he’s coming in with the recolte.
I thought that it would be a no brainer to sell as a film, but I can’t do two bibles…I don’t think, but maybe I’ll ask him on Monday. I don’t know quite what I need to do to communicate what kind of film it is, but then, look, the idea is, get out of the way, and just go all the way, this is the oldest storyteller. I recorded a lot, you see, like this pool scene, truly, when I walked into the house and it was pool on TV… I was blown away. While the Christmas even menu is just heating up. Rosa is laughing, judgmentally, at lemon zest. Lemon zest…then this scene between the pool players was so funny. The blond missed the shot so the brunette in a black silk shirt…really takes his time. He’s not missing the shot.
My manifestation goal is to get a book deal, that’s my long-term, for this year, and this clown article, you know, I could see that being a book, a good one, about the wisdom of clown, but also looking at real clowns, today, like I mentioned Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting since I’m using the mythic framework of society as an introduction because clown has been here the whole time…so like, who’s this new guy? Wandering off…isn’t that right, chief? Since clowns and chiefs are bosom buddies for life, the chief doesn’t like it, sometimes, but it’s the way it is. You’re getting a clown, and as clown as societies have clowns, just because, this clown scholar said, “every society except Totalitarian regimes.” Boom, I should go to the Hannah Arendt Center. So clowns are instruments of belonging, so I can show how a clown relates to the whole structure. That’s really what it’s all about. We built it, like buildings, you see. A clown knows this.
My editor said that my first round was practically done, compelling, I just wasn’t as pleased with it, so I rewrote it, or just cleaned it up, I think, except it still isn’t what I want it to be, so I might eek work on it again, do another round at that spectacular library here in the optical illusion palace of the Spanish rulers…Javier Bardem. But I could see that getting picked up. You see, order does not concern me. I would totally love to write that book. I just like A Thousand Clowns meets the Hero with a thousand faces. Big whoop to clown, big deal, right? Cause I can fit a thousand clowns in one car, easy…it’s a physics problem, even. Letting them drive the narrative a bit just around what we have to learn from that figure. Especially around sacredness as an idea. What that is. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for that one. It’s just the article, I can’t totally explain it, but it loses that line of focus? It isn’t crystal clear to me yet and you know, I just want that to be. Like, the women in Tehran having “a hell of a time,” telling this clown NO, on stage, because they can’t say no to the authorities, I’m not sure if that fits, but the clown does make us rethink about what “the devil” is. Necessary. It’s not a clown, though, I was trying to focus on the clowns for this one, but it’s a reflection of it, so I wasn’t sure, just based on what that piece sets itself up to be about. Backwards becomes a thrilling new idea, like, sure, backwards as in…you can ride into battle backwards, hilariously, and confuse your enemies. The profundity of clown is clear to me. There’s a way “it” goes, but it doesn’t have to go that way. You see.
I thought, huh, do I contact someone with that link? Look at this. Once it’s published. This is a good book idea. I don’t quite know how to handle that. But I might write a page, maybe, an introduction, and basically go, this is the idea generally speaking. It doesn’t have to be that long. I just need to read more clown sources, like I can’t put in the pity clown, tranny, these other clowns, it’s not a history of clowns, but more in relation to structure, psychology, wisdom, what it is. And why a clown can speak out, or why a clown is sometimes compared to something more like an animal, no. At first, I was staring, right, writing the article, out a country home in England…watching horses, the finest horses, in a British accent…no? A tamed yet wild beast. Right. Animal. Just thinking about our ideas around nature, even, since clown came into existence the second we started coming up with society, conceptually. The very first village, boom, chief and clown broke out then, come into existence, at the very same time and have been doing pas de deux…ever since.
A child can speak out, because they are a child, they just say it, that’s a clown. Like me in church at 4, hearing “on the third day he rose again,” and I looked around this room like “did he just say a man ROSE from the dead?” That was a step too far. “No he didn’t…” I said it. Like come on…please. The nervous laughter was interesting. But you see, a clown is seen as one of these sacred figures in some societies. That’s why a clown can speak out. You don’t kill clowns. Not unless the government, you see, is tyrannical. Then, we’re in trouble. You do not kill clowns. They are relating to structure…but they play different roles…so I figured I might be able to organize it that way, but the point is healing. Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. Obviously. He’s not a hero, he’s a healer. He doesn’t like smarts though he is a genius, basically. So using contemporary examples…send in the clowns…um, they are already here.
No one wants a hero today, I think, the world needs a healer, that’s a clown.
Just keep doing what I do.
I needed to take a break these past couple of days.
So what do I need to do? I gotta turn back on tomorrow.