Margot Tenenbaum and I are grooving to this song. Maybe she’s me, in a sense, in this movie — the one who gets into the love songs since this mother sings all the time. I’m trying to find all the lambada songs we danced to — the lambada is just one— the wise screenwriter would say “Building up a Mystery” to the lambada is good, also, where we go IN. I feel that, good. And they saved a baby. If you know who Barbara Harris is, she’s one of my biggest influences, so she’s always everywhere, because at four years old, she could have starred in this movie and probably won an Oscar, or something, somehow, for her ability to play complex psychological roles. In the movie, she could win an award, somehow, her LOOK in this scene, playing with her hands—riveting, heart-stopping, unforgettable. There’s a heartwarming humor in all this.

The producer wants me to look back on all this as an adult though he’s NOT at all telling me what to do, only trying to help me based on what he heard. I just had a hard time with that. I did that but it ended up veering me in another direction. That’s alright. Maybe that’s it, I don’t know. We’re learning, I’m learning, how to drive a car — basically — wind in my hair, laughing. We’ll finalize the script idea, the track.

I did this sleep hypnosis meditation that is part of this Manifestation Workshop that I’m doing to support me through this, and it was utterly amazing. I feel like I’ve been living in a dream for the past week, but I thought, well, you just might be dreaming it up, so dream, that makes sense to me, but HOW that dream MEETS reality, sometimes, is another question, right? There’s a translation that starts to happen when it starts coming out of your head, maybe. I gotta make this real.

Sitting there at a wine bar at like 11 pm, just to go out for a half hour, I saw the universe, basically, of all these characters existing in the same space, looking at this Bible, needing to talk to Marc Eliel.

A real fairytale in that, it was real. Dorothy is there, the Wicked Witch of the West looking more like the Snow Queen in Narnia in a chic suit by a tea cup set on a pedestal? Then, there’s a Little Princess (Me) who goes through a transformation of sorts and Royal Tenenbaums in that there are SIX children who are preparing for pro leagues that turn around this fertility goddess of a mother, a sex goddess even, I mean, hilariously so, Brazilian. Seeing the universe of this helped, just grouping these characters together in the same world.

I ended up speaking briefly to my roommate when I got back. I would normally say I wish I didn’t do that, but who cares? I have to get over this shit. I don’t like to talk about what I’m doing, but I felt like I’ve been using this blog to support me through this and to talk about it, actually, because I’d like to. I’d like it to be real. That’s what my focus is for this manifestation workshop I’m doing. Manifesting. After this sleep hypnosis, I woke up, actually, from a dream, maybe into a new reality, since the point was to speak to the unconscious belief system, and it was fascinating when I WOKE UP during the night— what I heard, what came to the surface, even fear.

I have to communicate what it is. I want to be able to meet this producer with better structural knowledge, so I can understand him better. I just need structural support. Not just A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints…I just put the mother in the driver’s seat at first, so I could go through the psychological drama of it, the step-by-step, fill out this house, and now, Margot from The Royal Tenebaums comes to the surface as a possibly adult me — that’s going to take us through this universe, this fairytale, this crazy story. There was something about that, so I’m going to watch that film. But a family psychological drama is valid…

And here comes Marc Eliel direct from Israel, if you can imagine, with a film library in his head in French. I’m shooting questions at him and he is going through this library, “here here here….” so “give me a funny LYNCH!” “Sailor and Lola.” “I need technicolor!” “Kirk Douglas” and “The Trouble with Harry.” “Is there a movie where someone is MANIPULATED?!” “Michael Caine: Death Trap.” He suggested that I start as an adult and take a “leap” through time like in “De Goddess of 67,” si si, oui oui, I can’t speak any longer, “you think it’s unrelated,” and that’s the thing, I just need to watch things, and I have to move fast, and then, he says, Five Easy Pieces, just for structure. And Phantom Thread, fairytale, it’s not but then, if you think about it, and Incendies a Greek tragedy family film, and “do you know any SEXY Brazilian films?” “Hm,” in this section of his cinema library, “he’s not…as well versed in Brazilian cinema…” I just love him. “LA at the end of the 80s and early 90s?! ANY FILM at the END of the 80s and early 90s?!” I’ll just watch some, it depends on how you want to do it.

This film producer will give me his notes, and I get, I think, in reading a bit of Celine Song’s Past Lives which I’ll keep reading, that breaking fourth wall is IN, it’s IN, so I can work that in, no problem. I can’t imagine that this producer thinks we wouldn’t have to work the idea. I just didn’t know what to do with me looking back on Miracle Mile…where we’re going, though I tried a bunch of things out, so let’s hope that “love congeals,” Frank Sinatra, but I hear the music. I will have a big day of watching movies, just watching movies, breathing through the dark ones, I’m having so much fun.

I need to bring this dream into a real space, make it a reality, and I woke up feeling that way, I’m in reality now, though it’s all a dream, you see, that’s the wise screenwriter, evidently, “we’re really dreaming the world into being at every moment.”

So, I gotta keep a few things in mind as I begin watching these films to think STRUCTURE, that’s it, now that I went through a classic one— straight through from this mother’s perspective if not that family. A variety of things could work, some approaches are EASIER than others, this is wise screenwriter in my head, wanting to GET to him, in a sense, but I’m not calling him. There’s no problem with him, only the task at hand, and I gotta stay in the realm of possibilities. He knows anything is possible, so sure, the reality in which this gets to that next step EXISTS, it can exist. That’s it. There is nothing else.

So, gotta switch, the lambada always in my mind.

I can write a psychological drama, okay, that storyline is clear, and maybe that’s the beginning, you know? Maybe she’s not looking back right away as an adult. I don’t know. I have to watch. But we follow this mother’s fabulous legs, in the beginning, into this fairytale house, off of Julio Iglesias. She’s so hilarious and wild — chasing after drivers…cursing them out as a grandma, too, so that could work. I just have to figure out structure because “going back to my hometown,” like in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints took me in a different direction which is fine, understandable, and that might be a really good film, actually, since I felt that way.

I’m ahead of schedule, technically, though we’re in the second week which we laid out as the time to finalize this thing, since I have to produce a Bible, meditating on Stranger Things. That’s my manifestation for — we had to specifically say what we wanted to manifest during this month, and here I was, this Bible, synopsis, that makes it to the next step. That’s it. Simple. And then I anchored that vision with the vision beyond the vision, like what’s the world look like when that happens? Well, the wise screenwriter says: good job, so I anchored that. I get some funds? Breathing. I get an agent, I pitch that NYtimes article, life bumps up a notch, better house? Surroundings? A leap of faith? I feel like this movie is seeping out of my pores practically, like I hope that’s a good sign, even if I’m almost chasing after the tail, holding onto the tail, I’ll take this ride.

Alright, that’s it, feeling wonderfully real, where I am at, also, and just making this real now…good to throw paint on a wall, think about all these elements, “We belong,” that’s this girl’s song. Okay, something coming back to life, I have that reference, what the HELL is it? It will come, it will. Gotta watch these films now.

Thanks for reading. Films are sold everywhere, aren’t they?

Hilarious, picturing someone looking at this — Turkey? What’s she doing there?

So good luck.