With a black charcoal mask on my face, I just cleaned up my room, and I might move locations to check out another neighborhood…to live in Karakoy across the straight.

I met Carmine and his wife Alessia at Galaport, the modern seafront promenade on the European side that stretches long with shops, a most alluring view, a bird taking flight above a fully garbed woman, waves and ferries and minarets rising in the distance. It’s a mall, too, this section, further up, and seeing a mosque perfectly framed between its reddish walls to turn left — baklava.

Some dude texted me on Whatsapp asking me on date like “I’m asking you now” smiley face as if I would ever go out with that guy. I don’t want to tell you this story because what I did was stupid. This guy can’t seriously speaking be courting me in this fashion? Just please. Why am I here? Alright, got whatever that odd — truly, feverishly typing into google translate since this how we were able to communicate. “You’re attractive,” he showed me his phone. Like I owed him something because of this! He’s looking at my words like — he never felt more rejected. I got on a bus and traveled this goddamn highway because someone didn’t want to “let me go.” So, “do you want to go…….a date? I’m asking now.” Trying to make friends. Ended up at some goddamn architects meeting. Why did I do that? Had to at the Galaport not give it another thought…

I would look back and all good but adjust in general. I’ll get to that another time…no. Just no. This is Aunt Jane’s hand pushing that to the SIDE…she’ll leave it sort of Ursula from the Little Mermaid but Jersey, a thespian, a classical actor of the highest and most unique order — New Jersey. That’s who that woman is. She’s Shakespeare, the two of us ushering to watch the shows for free, just have an Aunt Jane break, and Jane speaking outloud during this performance. “Is it??? Is it the question?”

To be or not to be? Like I would watch her give this monologue. Peeling clementines, starting to peel clementines…in her seat…telling her to keep her voice down — wasn’t this how it done?

Later, to conclude, he texted me something about sending him his pictures and videos? Ignore. Major. Do not come near me. Okay?

I was quite charmed by this neighborhood. Carmine and Alessia got off the cruise boat Splendida. We pondered who is the VIP section of this monstrosities? They decided, they would want me to tell you that, to take a cruise boat for a vacation…since they never had. And thus far, a couple of the Neapolitans have cruised through…Emilio by plane with Nicoletta, which made me laugh. I saw them.

It has a seaport vibe more so than Kadikoy, more merchant in feel. I found a baklava spot with brown leather seats outside, an old joint, it felt, almost. Handsome aesthetic. Every area in Istanbul I’ve been to now seems to have its own vibe but this one feels nooky, tucked away, maybe some attractive dining spot or two? The Peninsula is there, this is what I mean, at the seafront. I can’t explain it, need to explore, since it’s hard to penetrate what this is…white table cloth in this pizzeria…there is so much commerce, bars, restaurants, economy, so it’s lively, the city is very social. And I’m not that social right now…which is fine…I’m by myself.

I don’t quite go downstairs…anymore…in this digital nomad hotel. The kittens are doing just fine and there are several cats hanging in the courtyard, old playground but I don’t know what happened to the woman who kept that space clean…it’s a little annoying. They don’t ensure that it remains clean and I’ll check tomorrow. It depends.

My room is perfect for the moment, I have a long desk and a large window which is basically the set -up I want, even if I’m staying in a hotel for a moment…I’m in my room. I don’t need to use the communal working space. I thought, maybe it’s time to take off. Find another location. I’m obviously thinking about what’s next, where to go, no idea. Maybe I could check out another neighborhood in the meantime but maybe I should…leave? You know?

I like taking long walks, very, and taking pictures…I guess I could try and find a Turkish class or some meet-up to go socialize…something. I thought I would go to a club, solo, in my blacks and dance…just sort of check out some nightlife spot even if I’m alone. I haven’t really been in the mood to go and do that…but I’m trying to open up to life a bit it’s just these past couple of years of recovering from that Mother’s Day…that’s coming to a close.

I could go back to Naples in October, stay for Christmas, and leave in January. I could stay here and do the same thing.

That’s my thought process.

I got far into my chapter outline today just trying to finalize what this journey is, and right now, in thinking about my dream last night about an ending so I’ll keep on feeling into that. I just prefer these dreams so doing this has helped. I guess ten years later might feel much different than the rest of it but that’s what it is.

Just letting my story grab hold of the reigns for a minute. Not to say it hadn’t but I’m making these steps clearer. I sort of let go, I mean, the Feast of Santa Lucia was so crazy, so much happened, that I’m not entirely sure. Probably the way I told it is interesting because you might be confused too not in a bad way. Or, you might go, oh, sure. Maybe a little bit of both. At least, that’s going well…I can work on that every day. I have all the pieces, I’m not concerned about the language, fully, I just need to keep leading you through it.

I don’t know what to say…maybe the way I did it is going to make it really sing…I just am now really focusing on the structure…I just did that…later.

It might be its own sort of thing too, which is great, but Bukowski’s Post Office made me think about super small moments or the ensemble of it differently. Another round. Another show. Again, there’s something about that book that made me go — oh. I don’t know how he described this, probably just sent it in. Here.It’s about my time at the Post Office. This is about Christmas in Naples. Enchanted. Skiiers on the Feast of Santa Lucia.

I’ll stop there for today, Franco Franzese wondering who the fuck Dino is. Goddamn Dino. “Empty plate,” repeat, “empty plate.” I’m not getting little beers with DINO. No, this is father shit. This is what I mean about my story.

There are a lot of people in this, wow, so making that kind of ensemble thing work is a challenge in itself but that part seems to be going well, actually. I went to Angela and Vico’s earlier…to introduce that. So, we’ll see… moving my story around to give the two sets of parents their equal footing…I like the landscape and farm really opening up after Santa Lucia but that’s what I’ve gotten to with this chapter outline…sort of intuitively going on a flow…but I’ll laid some seeds.

I know that the chapter outline is a guideline. I want an updated sense of the whole so I can work on that sample…I just wish I did this ahead of time? I guess I wasn’t ready to think like that…? Hopefully, this will all work out in favor. That’s one of my phrases — it all works out in my favor. Let it all work out in my favor…get me there sooner, whatever.

I mean, you know, people say…originality isn’t necessarily your friend…but there are so many types of books out there so — really? I mean, Post Office, not too sure about what I said about When Death Takes Something From You Give Something Back, we’ll see, because in the end, this family story might be all you want — I mean, me writing, we’ll see. I just see Jack Nicholson in these moments.

Eat, Pray, Love I’ll keep as a reference for interacting with the city and also language. I’m still finding references. I don’t need tons…but I should probably find a couple more.

It feels uplifting to be at this point, I can’t explain the lift I feel, just cleaned my place, thought about changing locations, I don’t know. I appreciate the lift.

I wanted to send out a bunch of pitches this week so I have to spin my head in that direction…

I sang today which I find tires me out a little bit but I was in the sun — so much fun. Or, I feel tired at the end of the day so maybe that’s just a good way to get energy out; I have so much of it. It’s true though. Dolly Parton has been the spot for the moment. Bonnie Raitt. Dionne Warwick, too, “memories,” listen to how she sings that. "I’ll never love this way again.”

Just learning, right there, with a palm of respect.

Dolly Parton.

“The real thing,” I encourage you to listen to how she says the real thing in Islands in the Stream. Slowly losing sight of the real thing. The Bargain Store is open…listening to that. Love is like a Butterfly — satin breeze. Jolene. Still basically learning the instrument. So, placement, sound, weird stuff too, just to get to know my mouth in a conscious way — you see, I had a singing teacher for years, but I never explored, even me, what I could do. It’s not so much sounding good or pretty but more getting to know my capacity, where.

I have singers in my mind, right? Asking them…how would you do it or what would you say to me?

I imagine these conversations.

I get excited and sometimes that makes me sheepish…when I’m just by myself. That’s taking care of itself.

I love Dolly Parton’s storytelling…I’ve been studying her.

“Completely satisfied.” She guarantees it.

I love Dionne Warwick…”memories.”

I think Blossom Dearie is such a delight, “dance only with me…” so listening to her, too.

Got a download suggestion to talk the song, too, not sing it so much while you work it.

Even Antony and the Johnsons — Hope There’s Someone…people have sounds, style…

I can do jazz, haven’t done that in a while, but I can do a lot with my voice, actually. I just have to keep on working the instrument and exploring what feels communicative. It’s an art just like anything else…That’s been the great rediscovery of my life…singing again…again, consciously working with my voice, step one.

I love Neapolitan music too — not easy, I don’t know what is, but the accent and it’s almost classical. It’s a matter of figuring out how. Vico is up to bat, really, as the family siren — Era di Maggio. The sweep is so pretty. And Roberto Murolo’s Santa Lucia is lovely…a good song to carry someone through some decision, NYE, something slightly unexpected.

That’s another thing about the book…they search my name in song…just beautiful that music is. It’s home, it’s food, it just is. They trace their lineage to the siren that attempted to lure Odysseus. We weren’t in danger, this is the point. I find that to be so epic…

I’ll work on Ring of Fire. I can do that. Clear.

That’s my music section.

Honestly, just getting all that past out of my way…what do I do? I’m finishing this up, my book, glad it’s coming together. I have no idea where to go so feeling into that inner guidance, I’ll get back on social…stick to my plan though that got a little jumbled by accident but fine so a bit about my beginnings Miracle Mile, singing, Christmas in Naples, and keep that going. I can post some of that to Instagram. On this front, just thinking out loud.

It’s true, it’s a time-consuming exercise of looking into my phone…all that. Not my favorite but what am I supposed to do? I hope that I get followers but I am more reaching for the right people…just as an avenue…you’re sort of supposed to have a platform…so I don’t know what to say…could just do Christmas in Naples or Naples and singing…da da da da…

Needed a little boost.

Gotta send out some pitches tomorrow.

Gotta just keep structuring up.

Gotta keep growing…

That dream last night, just being in that scene, I was so happy this morning…feeling myself old, even. But I hope it’s all going to work…that’s what I’m making up. This is the beginning of the rest of my life…what I want. That took some time to work out. Getting easier to be at the place that I am at the age that I am…I just mean as someone who wanted to be an artist, too, so. I’ve got positive-minded thinking…amazing people in my mind.

Thanks for reading.