Through the screen, through the characters, the soundtrack, the illustrations, I felt a force reach for me…I began to see Sacha Baron Cohen AS this movie, this documentary. A mastermind. Psycho-magic. He is Jodorowsky, the magician creating the deal, finding the cast by imagining them and they just show up in the palm of his hand. Dali. Ah, the highest paid actor of all time, “how many minutes?” 6. “Really?” So great, wow. And Dali, even, sort of showed up after all this…his sculptures in Vico Equense…which was fun. What is he doing here?
And the real man also came to mind to help me through the next section of that epic experience that was Mother’s Day. Meaning, to be brief, some of these sections might have had something to do with neglect and family lineage…even if I didn’t really know Dr. J…if all your husband knows is that you were beaten at two…and sent off…to different family members…and you don’t seem to act…appropriately…no?
I mean, Sacha Baron Cohen as Jodorowsky’s Dune helped me break the barrier of this experience.
“Fuck psychedelics!!”
Just laughing.
Ali G. “What are you doing?!”
Again, that’s someone who did very much his own thing.
So, now, today, I feel clearer…
I suppose everyone does. Do their own thing.
Only because, right now, very easily, I got through a fair chunk of that chapter outline — I’m not quite at Santa Lucia, 13th, but I’m about two weeks into Christmas. One day. I’ve done chapter outlines…but I could have probably more easily discussed the idea using that…just the basic steps. I suppose I had some complicated thinking to work out. For sure. Trying to put the book together, just do that with the chapter outline. Faster. Easier.
It’s fine, I can be transparent about that, reading through the whole book like that, just trying to finish it…which I am…but I might as well do the chapter outline.
I spent a lot of time on the page which hopefully makes me a better writer somehow, feel it in my voice…maybe that shows in this Mother’s Day experience…along with whatever was really there, I suppose it all was, but a villain as a light at the end of a tunnel…sort of unusual, maybe not. Turning that into something.
If I had abuse, since neglect is anyway, and family lineage to work out…I did it. I was writing last night about the family lineage thing even seeing my mother that way in this funny Jodorowsky section. Just looking at these elements even, was this neglect? Just because in Dr. J, there’s family…obviously. That’s the thing, it appeared rather obvious. I saw all sorts of things in my sphere, even. I don’t know how one gets there…right? People come from all sorts of beginnings…but just taking some details there…what happened to this person?
That’s the thing, on that end, feeling clearer today because I spent a moment looking at that. Not psychosis but rather neglect, interestingly enough.
Laughter was such a medicine for me too…healing…built in. The Joker is a whole thing. Being laughed at, right, since this Brazilian mother could laugh at how she threw you away! Haha. You see where basic gears might have — she was hysterical, sometimes quite funny which is fine since psychological horror or this genre can actually intersect with comedy as Hitchcock demonstrated though he didn’t write that episode with Barbara Harris and Severn Darden. Okay.
What is this? I know.
That helped a lot: comedy.
Getting in touch with some flashes of Dr. J. Maybe never her. But still my mother. Which is wow. Just the wow of having cleared family stuff…sort of contemplating even backlash, karma, things like that. You know…no offense over there. Whatever that was. Her stories really affected me. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Was that utterly — I had one person who had been in her family’s house…
“Creepy.”
Sounds about right.
I’m assessing what I learned over the past few years so I can get better…that’s the point. That’s a very easy objective. Get better. Smarter. Healthier. Thrive.
If I wanted to do something like Agua Vida, where I was in the moment, sensations, really thrilling lines in there, truly, it’s amazing, I might approach that differently as I have done for my mosque meditations, obviously very important, but something like Christmas in Naples, it’s just easier to go on a ride…in less time…and figure it out with a chapter outline.
I had some provocations, tensions around fiction, nonfiction, just because of “my psychic nature” or my story, right, to save you the details almost like I was writing many things at once…not a critique…not really knowing what happened, going back to these four years was a process enough, you know, like who wants to be in this? That’s a fiction over there…this sounds like a fiction over here…there is memoir that is not memoir. When I gave my mentor a playlist lol. No. Do not give me a playlist, you hilarious person. I’m telling you, utterly hilarious. Even what I did.
I’m just laughing. A playlist. You have to sort of laugh at that point.
I also felt time bend when I was nine…that took a second. I might have needed — a funny idea — someone to talk to. People talk about time condensing it, you can work with it, you can talk to it as if it’s already happened — I saw that. The mechanics of this, as a nine year old…I cannot explain this. Or, what time actually means…just because that can be a feature of Alzheimer’s and I also had the sensation that a future might have some questions…I started hearing questions…and some of those were frightening. Now I’m okay. So I suppose we might be spinning in advance since every step…we’re moving toward…I don’t know.
Feeling better overall.
I’ll work on some pitches next just before it gets too late — just try and get some stuff out there. That’s what I mean about these couple of years…and maybe that’s the course…just the social media thing, I have plenty of backstock, even, but that took precedence but not really…I’m just going to stick to Naples. Just because I ended up getting confused… but then, I started “performing” again, running around having fun, but — just pitch shit. That first Christmas out of that was all about that…in terms of my direction of focus.
I have cool — the refugee camp manager for one— ideas that came out of that period. I was recovering, mostly, that was Part II. By the time I get there — the 5 AM message, you’ll get it. And then, afterward, you’ll get it. What The Oldest Storyteller will end up being, I don’t know exactly, but it’s feel rather clear that the person who writes that is here or steps closer…having ideas…even in terms of style, point of view…interests. I don’t know what one is doing if they don’t…
And going through some of that Mother’s Day year, quarantine, has done me lots of good even is bringing me some pieces falling together in a dream. I always love that, when it happens. Phew. Okay. Reminding myself that I experienced a miracle, I mean. What else do I need to know? There are depths to us that defy logic, physical form. I mean, who am I not telling, from a certain standpoint…? Aren’t I supposed to?
There’s no other way to tell you how that line came into being. Hades opening up the gates of Hades in such a fashion, totally one of the most epic plans to then get a gentle suggestion in the end, just thinking “wow, myth,” so true. That’s it. All that shit with ayahuasca happened like that. This is what I mean about being psychic…? Holy shit. I just was like — wow. I suppose people come up with all sorts of ideas but that blew me away. Because it really happened.
I did enough on that chapter outline, I’ll let that sit today, but I’ll be done sooner rather than later. I’ll work on that a little every day so hopefully in a week, I’ll be done with that. I’ll work on pitching, pitching especially, since I have to exercise that muscle. I’ll go full steam ahead too, sure, on a Substack around Christmas in Naples….?
I’m less attached to a way just trying to figure out how to help my efforts…
I think, from what I gather from healing is less like you can go back but you can do something with those experiences, in my case, I don’t know what to say about what really happened back there…I felt a lot. A super villain. I could have thought about that before, but everyone has their medium, but a Joker, huh. I might have been hungry…you know?
Back to…getting clearer about the path forward.
Thinking agent, where is that person, gotta bring that in.
I think Christmas in Naples is a Sport, I’ll stick with that. But social media is not my biggest concern…I just needed to put that out there…I suppose I could post pictures of my travels, photos I like, which is easy to do on my regular page since I have two accounts because my old account magically reappeared and I deleted it……that’ll just float….
I’ll get better at pitching as my priority. I’ll do that this week. Try to do ten, even, something. Just to crack the ceiling that way. I’ll pitch other things too, obviously, I’ll see what sticks.
Condense time. Thank you. I’ll do that because you never know…you never know…how something might come in…Jodorowsky’s Dune, think about the way he did that: he imagined it.
I’ll go buy myself some outfits, some new clothes, try and live life a little bit. Try to make that one a bit of a priority in my life now. That’s just the thing, too, just don’t want to turn everything into social media…thing, I just don’t want to live life for that. I’m never on…I don’t consume this…though I have more of late…
Thanks for reading…I like a simple website, too, where I’m not trying to make an economy out of you, either, not to say Substack not a platform, that’s cool that you can support someone, that’s a new avenue, and people really spend time growing a following that way, also, which I understand, and I read an author who said his agent suggested that he use a Substack for that reason — for his book. I’m thinking JCO, what would she do? — I felt it a little easier to just do this a second.
“Bat, Bat, Bat,” just fun, Dr. J. Little hat.
Happy Sunday.