I keep thinking ahout Barbara Harris because she was vulnerable, and I ran into my own vulnerability, and it royally infuriated me. How much it SUCKED being vulnerable, oooo, how touching. Not really. A clusterfuck of confusion.
I’m working on an article for my writing job, one of them, about end of life pain, and why medications don’t work. So, I have to be grateful that I am alive and well. I want to get back to joy, as I always had an innate sense of happiness, but I got so knocked down, or I felt too many complications arise around a personality trait that I hesitate because I’m at the beginning again. I had to start over.
With a hand, I came from a super rich background, I assure you, it’s the first words coming out of my mouth. Super rich. I’m just here, you know, just exploring an avenue, you know. My family is fantastic, really, couldn’t be more normal, grounded, supportive. That’s it. I’ll make up some story about owning McDs…in Switzerland. Yeah, a few. I feel like wearing a wedding band, for my own protection. Oh yah, Wilbur is great. High school sweethearts. We’re just… two peas in a pod. Smiling. You’ll meet him soon. And NATE will dress up as WILBUR — and show up to this meeting in a bowtie. Anyway, it was SO nice speaking with you, about all this, and if you care to share anything about YOUR family, YOUR private life, please do.
So this is where I am, now. Ready. It was sort of the position to take.
I suppose I’ve been working for years, so I have that continuity, so I’ll just keep going, evidently, and I hope it will work itself out, I just don’t like the discomfort I feel with future-oriented thinking. Maybe, this guru came from money, I really don’t know what to say there, so his basic needs were never fueling what he was doing…? Funny, I had money in the bank, sure I wasn’t the richest person on earth, but I struggle with my decision making, where the focus was placed on my person. What I LACKED. So I’ll leave it at that. I think oftentimes, even with my cousins, they’re searching for alcohol problems, they’re looking at me like I went through some tragedy, and some people might look at me and say, there’s gotta be some skill, something you can use, and when I finish this EPIC mag version of Miracle Mile at the Beverly Hills Tennis Club, just analyzing the game… I think that will be clear, as I was obsessed with psychology, and maybe I could have been an investigator, something. I decided to be an actor, right? Because, there was no judgment there, I could play villains, I could play characters across a spectrum… and there was empathy in it, there was some revelation in it. People are communing, seeing themselves, not, analyzing character. I couldn’t DO it, but now maybe I can.
I mostly want to get over this part, so I can free up more time. I experienced a fair amount of frustation, and I did end up in a hospital.
Now the QUESTION IS, was someone really raped in my bedroom? No? Astounding. I came back from Miracle Mile… and my father told me that apparently the last owner’s housekeepers was raped in my room. And like, someone said, “that was the dementia,” but at this point, his dementia is some carnival ride… like what even was the ILLNESS? So I’ll leave it at that, today.