I got to the MOTH Storyslam so early, because I had no idea how it worked. I was there at like 6:45 PM, I got a small IPA, it’s a bar/venue in Park Slope. I rehearsed my story at three open mics, but unfortunately, I couldn’t get feedback, but that’s the way it goes. I rehearsed it the day before too. It’s a good story, but after watching the rest of the storytellers, as I was picked first! Even. That was a first, and shocking, and what can I say? There were at least 200 people there. So it was a real audience. And so, I thought, good, I’ll get that out of my system, now that I’m not basically scared. I got the basic nerves out of my system, but being in front of that crowd affected me. I always think of Dave Chappelle in these moments: he’s in the wings going, “I think this is going to go well,” and that’s funny. Now, I don’t know if it’s because it’s a good idea, but one of the running jokes I have with myself right now, is that Black men are the unsung heroes of my life right now. And it kept developing, where I was thinking of referencing “Take me home country roads to the PLACE I belong WEST VIRGINIA” that hilarious song from Kingsman in my Barbara Harris essay, just when the supernatural shit gets too crazy, and we’re STILL in AJs, and then, randomly, my roommate, a Black man, he made a cross through our house singing that song. “WEST VIRGINIA…”
And I said, “hey! You’re singing that song.”
“Classic.”
“Country roads,” he continued, “take me home…”
I thought, okay, here’s a Black man supporting me intuitively, yes. Anyway, there were two Black men in the audience, judges, and they were straight up honest. You could tell, they aren’t giving out 9, not unless it deserves a NINE. They gave me an 8.3, like not bad. That was a B story. So I got a B, you know, and I stayed and listened to the other stories, to get a sense of what this style requires, and everyone said sacrifice, they used the theme in their telling of it, so it’s a bit more on the nose — so to speak — than FILM is, let’s say, as the guru still dominates my mind sometimes, which is terrible. It’s just a terrible experience. I was MUCH better off — without a “mentor,” or whoever this. guy was, honestly! He’s not a teacher, he’s not a writing teacher, even. So ANYWAY, gotta hit that theme, and I was too much in scene, not narrating or relaxed, enough, or something. But it’s the first I’ve ever done, I did it once 10 years ago, before any of these people came into the play, and I think I was better off. I dipped down, I felt not that great after that open mic, but I’ll shake it off and try to get up there again.
At least, there was a decent crowd, because technically, the goal is to play a large crowd. To speak to a large group of people. So I’m trying to MANIFEST. I’m trying to imagine that I’m doing a show for this many people if not more, for Dave Chappelle sells out venues. People do. They play to large crowds.
The theme was sacrifice, and I told the story about the thief I didn’t turn in, that I embraced, and it just lacked, I think, a cohesive idea, that I did something for this person, I did. But probably, it would have been better if I had concentrated on myself, what motivated me to do it. My mother wrapped me up in a sex scandal when I was four, she was practically criminal, you know? And so, he came from rough beginnings, and I knew he was an extraordinary guy. And so, began the year I was invaded by the Russians, where this man was going to go on a journey… just stay in storytelling mode. But you live and you learn, which means you gotta suck, or you gotta LISTEN to other stories that get better scores than you… and just pocket the learning and move on.
I don’t need the FUTURE channeling through my as an idea, AGAIN, as I type, I didn’t need to REACH to a future point and download the INFORMATION from that soiree in the future that I’m standing in front of a crowd, my own show. I did not need this shit. That’s what I don’t understand about these GURUS I met in Beverly Hills, maybe their ideas don’t actually affect their cognition. IS IT TRUE? Is that how it WORKS? Well, let me ASK Dave Chappelle. One day. To comment on all this crazy shit I was told was absolutely true. That guy is mega-successful. Sure, he writes jokes backwards, I don’t know if he was writing his LIFE backwards? So I have no idea right now, because I’m just deprogramming myself from YEARS —
YOU CAN MAKE IT YOUR LADY GAGA YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING HAPPEN — THINK TIMOTHY CHALAMET, HIS LIFE IDEA IS IRRISITIBLE, I’m going to be bombarded by SUITORS over a SEX SCANDAL OR BECAUSE I’M THAT AMAZING AS A HUMAN BEING (???) or THAT TALENTED AT (????) OMG OMG OMG — YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I AM A NICE PERSON DESPITE WHERE I CAME FROM — my closest friend, even, he was ALREADY STARRING IN A MOVIE in his mind before I even finished a BOOK. It was outrageous! This GURU was outrageous. “First you have to become the extraordinary man,” OVER A BOOK. Man, that guy royally CRUSHED me. BAM, CRUSH. DESTROY. He’s a destroyer.
That was a destructive relationship. Nothing to get too involved with. Like sure sure, you can bend reality with your mind, sure sure. Not to say it isn’t LITERALLY true, but it’s not anyone to take to heart. You keep that guru at a distance. Cool. I had something to LOSE, NOT HIM. He royally affected my life, the way I think, to a degree that I’m still dealing with and left me HOPELESS, truly!
Imagine? I was sitting in Istanbul, like, uhhhhhh????????? I don’t have a life. I don’t have a house. I don’t have money. “SURE SPEND YOUR IRA BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER MONEY DOESN’T MATTER YOU CAN MEDITATE IT INTO EXISTENCE.” So, I will, next week, is Chills and Thrills, it’s Halloween, so I’ll think about how to address the theme from where I am now. Scary moments. I definitely look back on that relationship with the guru in utter horror. Like, more so, me, like, why am I here? I was just a lovely girl who happened to come from a past, and I tried to be OPEN about it, which DID NOT communicate what I wanted it to. The best approach there was — SHUT DOWN. WALLS. THICK. SWISS BANK. STAY OUT, you sick fuck.
I deserved so much more than that. Real love. I wasn’t a toy. I’m still reprogramming. DE-programming. I don’t know what to say because this GURU acted as if I didn’t KNOW who I was, believe in myself? My head sometimes. As I take a deep breath, cry sometimes, because the headfuck, just the headfuck of trying to DO ANYTHING, and needing KIM KARDASHIAN in the future to HELP me, in some capacity, “because it implies a lot,” like she’s watching my Netflix special… you know? What’s the POINT in this SCI FI? I just lost everything, I lost everything as a person over these ten years — I didn’t BUILD, I didn’t construct, I deconstructed, because some lunatic, this guru, believed that I was REPRESSED? LOOK AT YOURSELF. I mean, this MAN was gross. A GROSS man. And that just might be HIS idea. I hate that I was YEAH vulnerable — Like I would, put up with some guy with POWER issues, or who wants to EXERCISE power, leaning in to me in Beverly Hills, that reality is an EGG.
I liked characters, it was a young coping mechanism. Where I didn’t think I could be affected by someone, their were strange characters out there, and I tried to support him, support his need or obsession with these ideas, you know? Not thinking. I want to throw a cocktail in his face, in public. I want to pull a woman move. A response.
Listen dickface.
So I’m standing in this dream I once had, as it was my true dream, and going, is this what I want to do? AM I LADY GAGA? CAN ANYONE BE LADY GAGA? A prodigal piano player? You know? I do not play the piano, I could learn. But, that story, my family story, and my personality — I mean, no offense, but don’t most people feel like the outside doesn’t match the inside? WHY was I so judged? I mean, this guy — this Hollywood GURU — WHY? WHY did he open his mouth? Why did you act so weird? Over a girl? I just mean I got a LOT of STRANGE fantasy blasted at me. So much fantasy. Whoosh, I don’t know what to say because that was so dark, and it felt me feeling hopeless, like my life was worthless, or it lacked all meaning… I don’t think I deserved ESOTERIC ideas that would be controversial outside THEIR CIRCLE. Like, THINK, have a heart. Refrain. Restrain yourselves. No offense, but the “you’re special” routine, most of my friends hear that as a “LURING…” like I got lured into a cult. That’s what it sounds like.
NOT TO SAY I WASN’T SPECIAL DIDN’T KNOW IT OVER AN I TANYA DVD —okay? But I walked by Hadestown, another play, just shows that my former classmates essentially put on Broadway. They’re on Broadway. And they did not have to deal with this shit. I was a piece of PREY? How disgusting! Please, I say Tony Winners. I came from Marymount. Sure, I wasn’t the richest person THERE, but I know the Premingers, even, like WHY would you DO SOMETHING DO STUPID? I didn’t come from an unfortunate background? SURE, family was a mess, who knows there, but this idiot wasn’t even HEARING what the story was about — no one did — it’s a little sex scandal. “THE TOPIC SENTENCE…”
Imagine?
I gave him a shitty draft. That’s all you had to say, you spineless person.
He never said anything. So cryptic.
“The topic sentence IS,” he said, that’s it, one day. “My mother gave me away to a total stranger when I was four…” and by that point, he KNOCKED OUT a column. WHAT EXACTLY AM I NOT UNDERSTANDING? And that’s not the TOPIC SENTENCE NERD. “Your mother paid a woman MONEY to protect you from your father, because she accused him of being a child molester, rapist…” that’s the topic sentence. She didn’t GIVE ME AWAY.
That was the WORST relationship I have ever been in. One that makes me want to FLY to Beverly Hills — and WAIT, wait for this person to appear. “Family is a psychological construct…” point to him like he did to me, like some wannabee guru in the Pillsbury Doughboy— and yes, I’m swinging hard in this case. A psychopath, this was a psycho-path. SURE…in the words of GARY from Long Island, “HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING… SURE….”
“Weird men, Maria.”
I still have to evacuate this person because this star-studded EVENT he turned me INTO, and given what I was writing about, it’s extraordinary, like OMG OMG OMG she’s AMAL CLOONEY because she…? Is THAT pretty? THAT impressive on the CV? THINK! I HAD NO IDEA why people ACTED this way. You understand? He’s acting as if SUITORS — such as George Clooney — were going to GO OMG OMG OMG — she wrote a book!!! She’s the next American writer? Was that who I was man? You know what I mean? Not to say I couldn’t BE but HOLY SHIT. That’s quite a reaction… for someone who hasn’t even produced anything… I mean, I was working as an interviewer in LA, and — there’s no point in saying what you wish you did do, but I wish I had had the realization that — I do not NEED to PLAY any ROLE FOR YOU — the person in front of me. Fuck that story. Fuck your opinion. Fuck your feeling. The Zen Master Sybil was right, “RAGE.” That was OUT OF WHACK. So, I couldn’t hear her at the end of my 20s. I keep telling myself, hey, I couldn’t respond differently. Not yet. So I went down another USELESS POINTLESS road, and the same goes with my cousins. I DID NOT NEED TO PLAY LITTLE GIRL ASSHOLE, let you BE some FATHER seeking to fulfill an ITCH. Good intentions? Who gives a shit. That’s where I had to get to personally.
Just a GIANT NO. And if you want to ARGUE with me? GOOD LUCK.
I almost didn’t recover from the past decade, you know. But if there’s a fuel to keep going and even get IN FRONT OF A LARGE CROWD, it’s to call ALL these people OUT. Amal Clooney… paging Amal Clooney… at X-Men headquarters… please hear me, my soft voice, from the past… please, in the reality that you turn on the TV specifically on Lake Como, I’m using my KNOWLEDGE of the area to make this visualization even MORE real, lol, I have to laugh, because that’s how this guru seemed to think, please… help me get to you… help me get to your TV. Let us SHOW this GURU what PSYCHIC means. So, as a joke, I’ve reached out to the celebrities on the psycho spiritual plane, and they’re like, “whoa,” who’s this supernatural person? “It’s me, MARIA, and I need help…” Zoolander is listening.
So I’ll keep working routines. I just don’t know, I feel so confused, still, but it gets better. I get better. I suppose not everyone is interested in real life, it’s true, I mean, buying a house, meeting a spouse, having kids, a regular life. I just feel, personally, that it didn’t do me ANY GOOD being in an artistic medium, at least how I went about it, because there were seriously complexed people in that arena. Where, the professor I got close with, he’s against marriage, and so was I, but I was supposed to marry a Duke, Count, Prince Harry, this was his GRAND vision for me, which would make Amal Clooney laugh, maybe, or at least, not know what to say. You know? Like, I look back, “thanks.” That was totally retarded. If you SHINE out there in the world, maybe? I mean, sure? Hilarious. Like now, if some film student does it, I could be Great Expectations. I could play a HAUNTED woman… in an old MANOR… A solo piece, lol. Where I am contending with the life I chose to live. Looking at a younger woman, SURE, because we all grow old. And now, I have regrets for the moment, but they’ll pass, that I wasted my youth — as these men wouldn’t give a shit if I wasn’t young and pretty to them.
SO THANKS.
I could have a nice monologue. A good appearance there. Even sort of British, though I am American. That was the point. I could end up in some MANOR somewhere. I — me — personally, it shocked me. I maded my decisions, you know, I keep telling myself that, which gets easier, in that, I chose to live my life in a way that ultimately didn’t get me anywhere. I wasn’t interested in even basic goals, lik,e HOUSE, you know? It’s astounding to me, because these people who presented themselves as experts, better than me, even, they were so blind. They only enabled me, and if you really look at it, what sense did it make? That was definitely not an empowering decade. And again, sure I was attractive, but in looking at myself now, I feel embarassed, stupid, and totally misunderstood. Please go away. The memories.
So, I didn’t want to, I didn’t have to OVERCOME obstables, you know? Despite the ODDS MAKE IT in the world, be famous!!! Rich, successful!!!! I had what it TAKES!!!! VAGUELY…. even my former best friend, his obsession with my LOOKS, I guess, because he felt like I was going to write a book that everyone in Hollywood was going to go apeshit over, and then, they’d see me, omg she’s so pretty!!! As if any of these people give a shit. They were these people. You know? You want a pretty girl? Hmmm, not hard. Not to say I wasn’t SPECIAL OMG. It’s just, I had no clue why this plagued me. And all I needed to hear was, “you might be hanging out with the wrong people.” I don’t know what to say about my past, but that shattered my soul, a bit. I didn’t need my soul shattered. I’m alright, I’m not looney tunes, I’m working through all this, I don’t know what else to say. But I did lose all sense of purpose, meaning, as this GURU, truly, he both POOH POOHed my experience, but he was evidently — a bit twisted up by this story… me? You see? I was LOST. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
NOTHING I did worked. I tried, I did, but that was a terrible ordeal, in the end, to get here. And now, sure, I can do social work? Or go into some arena, now that I have rid myself of the thick layer of FANTASY that haunted me… I mean, truly. I just, right now, want to try performing in some capacity, because I can’t let that go, yet, like, that was my true dream. I just hate feeling like constantly at the beginning. This guru, I’m telling you, he made me hate being a woman, truly. He treated me with such disrespect at day one, pointing to me across a room like a WEIRDO, a true weirdo. And I didn’t see it. “Knoowwwwwwwwwwww what do you wanna knoooooooooowww life isn’t about what you wanna dooooooo it’s about what you wanna knooooooooowwwwwwwwww….” it makes me, yes, want to follow him on his little walk through BEVERLY HILLS, just repeating the shit he told me. Yes, it makes me want to confront him in public. That’s not illegal.
I hate this man.
So maybe one day I’ll get my chance. I don’t know what to say about it, because I have never been in this situation. I mean, my parents were ILL, dipshit, and apparently, so were you… I suppose I was too, if I ended up here. His brother told me I was psychic within 20 minutes of meeting me—come on. I would have been the one to SPEAK to animals. I could throw a chair through his window. HEY ASSHOLES. You are completely insane. Time to put away the SETH BOOKS. My anger is HUGE. So — “you can do that,” right? That’s what the brother would say, I could make ANYTHING HAPPEN? I could give them an earful. F you, guru. YOU, forget your brother. F you. For taking advantage of my vulnerability. He was a terrible excuse of a psychologist. Since he was living out some Daddy fantasy. Just, I just didn’t understand this. I didn’t want to be the girl in this movie.
Again, in the movie version, what made this girl so special? Think about it? Because she went along with your MASTER GURU schtick? She’s so special, that you’re going to disrespect her at step one, you’re going to pull a truly speaking strange move of pointing to her… knooooowwwww… day one. Why? Because HIS FEELING, I bet you anything, TOLD HIM. Okay? A guy exposed his dick to me on Instagram messenger, okay? AT HELLO. SAME IDEA. It felt “natural to him,” he said. So fuck you, fuck your feelings. It took me enough to say enough. Okay, gotta breathe.
So who knows? You know? I really didn’t want to be stuck in a story. And now, I struggle with what to do, because sure, let my story resonate through the halls, let it shake the world, as it stands, with the lessons it holds. I’m not sure if I was, personally, THAT TAKEN with it as others were. And they didn’t even hear it. So now what? I’m back at square one. Looking at what I did, writing wise, um, there’s no trajectory, no direction there, though this GURU THINKS CREATIVITY IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS, THIS SETH OBSESSED DUDE. And like, I look at this guy, like, what would you say in public, what would you say you did to get where you are, as he made sure to COMMUNICATE that HE MADE IT, HE DID IT, arrogantly. What would he say in public? He met people? He watched movies?
I was appalled by this man. I look back in horror.
You know what I mean? Sure he had intention? WAS THAT MY PROBLEM??? NO.
His stupid brother giving me notecards to meditate on FEELINGS. Just please. “It’s the FEELING that drives reality…” exhausted, look, I’m not that sure. I don’t think I had PROBLEMS with my MINDSET. I was too positive. Obviously. I just hope, now, I look at women who have succeeded, at what they do, and I find myself now really wanting to succeed. I really, it’s funny, I ran into my demons, because I wasn’t CRAVING NOTOREITY, in a sense, I wanted it to go well, I wanted to be a big success, that wasn’t a problem. I got there. I was hoping to come up in the world, I just think, the problems that the story caused me — GURU case in point — confused me. I did not need that man. I suppose some people believe that you meet who you are, or something. But that was a harsh reflection. A monster in my mind, too, living in his own isolated world. Not to get allegorical about it, but he was a false helper, who seemed to crush my heart, he really did. He brought out all that was unreal in me. Really. I didn’t see it coming. That was a manipulative man. I think he knows that, I think he knows he has some problems, because that man ONLY projected. Practically. Where I’m wrapped up, now, in problems, I don’t know… you see? HE must be right? Because he acts like he’s SO RIGHT? This man, because he saw he could GET IN with me, in some capacity, he would have never have done to that ME now — I would have shot him dead. So to speak. He was looking for a little pupil???
Sorry I ever opened my mouth. I’m telling you. Now, luckily, I have a GOOD MINDSET, jerk. So I’m really giving performing a go, I’m continuing to work on writing over here, not knowing what the BOOK is, but I’ll keep figuring it out. If I let go of the hanger, his — arrogant — hanging up some idea on a HANGER. If I might move through my life… in a sweep, like think FORREST GUMP. Someone who begins young… and keeps going… and it’s going to be heartbreaking, and I don’t know… “in the 15th century,” he said, “you would have been the one to speak to animals,” and he called this a COMPLIMENT. I would ring this guy’s NECK.
(With the Ghost of Barbara Harris, haha)
I have to just plug her in, sometimes. WITH the ghost of Barbara Harris — I needed an actress, and we all know that they CAN haunt you. And if you’re lucky, they just might HELP you. They’re ALREADY at their memorial, hunny, they already HAVE plans for their closet of clothes, for their LEGACY, yes. This is an actress. They know death is coming. It comes for us all.
So, alright, I’m pissed as fuck, I have no idea what the heck is going to happen. I keep playing around, keep trying to envision a show, something, and it felt good to be back at the open mic, the comedy stage, it did. I still ASK if “it’s okay” right? LOL. I have to laugh, if I “just practice my story a couple of times…” and the host in pink glasses is like, “You can do whatever you want.” So, whatever, I still have basic conflicts, basic stuff I have to get over. But I do get the sense that they like me, I just have to keep poking around, figuring out what my routine is. A guy, yesterday, he gave me some storytelling comics to check out. So, I always feel like I get something I can use, every time I go, to the mic. It’s a supportive crowd. And there was a woman yesterday that touched on tender topics, her eating disorder, sure, so there’s room, there’s nothing but room on that stage, which I just have to keep getting used to, so I’ll be back more often.
I have to problem solve, what can I do? I am where I am. And don’t tell me, since I have to deal with these STUPID gurus, in my mind. Where they’ll say one of these Instagram lines, like I’m exactly where I ???????? No. Bad move. “Should be?” You know everything you need to know when you need to KNOW it? UM, okay, I wish I thought, yes, WHAT WOULD DC say to all this? I wish I asked myself this question earlier. He’s a father, imagine, this is where your daughter ended up? Talk of speaking to animals in different centuries? “You’re special,” thinking about his air quotes. He made me laugh, really, through this… I came from looney tunes, you understand, which was terrible enough, not to say that I WENT THROUGH THE MOST TERRIBLE EXISTENCE YOU JERKS, so that was enough…to have to see… that I came from looney tunes, and I ended up in looney tunes.
OHHHH you’re PSYCHIC. OOOOOOOO PSYCHIC MARIA.
Not to get basic. I GET it’s TRUE, for YOU, I get it’s true, but it MIGHT not be a good look for someone else. And that was, in my mind now, a touch too obvious to not get angry. So alright, I’m sort of Arendtian, I came to accept it. I’m sort of a character out of an Arendtian mind, and luckily, I did find her work, which goes to show, you always have resources that you might not fully grasp. That, generally, I can’t explain it, it’s better to stick to your own lane, like “do not be distracted by the celebrities” on the catwalk on the way to the Malaysian Prime Minister. Zoolander. Don’t be distracted. Keep the focus. These detours. And none of these people cared if I lived or died… awful, just awful. And looking at my parents, I don’t know what to say. My mother couldn’t care less about me. And from a certain standpoint, SO?
I got sufficiently fucked up. And remember the guru, this one utterly shocked me, like his brother told me that he took his hand, and started punching him with it, “why are you hurting yourself?” And his brother delivered this to me as if it were WISE. That’s who I got involved with. Someone, since he was a boy, who acted like that. Unless his brother was lying? Sounds about right though. Holy moly, and I wasn’t HEARING that, myself. A bit too extreme there.
Anyway that’s my outpour today, and I’ll try and let go for the next storytelling event. Like, think about Chills and Thrills, from where I am now… like I’ll just talk outloud, try to shake off this man who lives in a universe in which there’s no such thing as a relationship. THANKS. Didn’t need that. I am aware. Or I might tell a simple story, like of a paranormal event I had, but I’ll keep getting up there, and seeing if this is what I’d like to do… I mean, my cousins were all LIKE THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE MADE TO DO… right, except it takes a lot out of me.
It’s not the easiest. And look, standing on stage in front of 200 hundred people, that’s the point, is playing to large halls, sure, not everyone wants to, in fact, but that’s the idea. So I am trying to meet the dream for real. Get comfortable. I was sweet, they called my name first, and I was like, ohhhh, that’s never happened to me before. Yeah, I applauded myself. Wow. I’m still in this place where I feel EXPOSED. I have to get over that. I was just so hurt this past decade, and you know, I know there are people (Tina Turner) who were in terrible relationships, wow. But she was considered one of the best at what she did, already, and she ploughed her way to a totally graceful, sensual, identity where she sang different songs too — based on her experience. So I’m a bit in her arena, right now, like “what did LOVE have to DO with it?” Nothing. I can just throw my hands up, keep letting go of that past, and keep searching for whatever it is that seeks to express itself… and maybe with talent, maybe find whatever is going to lead me to my fullest expression of self.
I’m going to… find success, where I can look back, and feel like I arrived.
It’s just the sheer thought of the guru sometimes that horrifies me. All this self-help, consciousness studies… like good for you. So I gotta work at the resto this evening, which I don’t want to do, but I’m grateful for it, and I’ll just keep going.
I don’t know what to say about social media. I say that because, the guru was all like, GET ON IT, SHARE YOUR STORY, I just don’t get it. I’ve tried a few things… I’m not entirely sure if this is helping me in any capacity. Other comedians post videos, I just don’t know if AGENTS or recruiters are LOOKING through social media? I’m not so sure. I have no idea. Some woman got an agent, off social media. I don’t know what to say there. But I’ll keep moving along. I just feel like miming GOLF to Tina Turner (hanging on…) to whack it — “it doesn’t MATTER how much the rent is.”
Nice one. And I’m clearly spinning out, clearly, I can SEE that now, and this GURU doesn’t give a shit. Wow. Unreal. I look at that GUY in the eyes of the STATE he was in when he pointed to me across his living room. STRAIGHT INTO HIS EYES. What are you doing? Wake up. I needed to. Wake up. This was DANGER. Ain’t nobody going to tell me that it wasn’t. He did what he did. If he LIES, that would be VERY INTERESTING to me. So WHAT were you doing then? If you did something that YOU KNOW was not COOL, KOSHER, even. Sucked, really sucked. But the thing is, um, people have been taken advantage of. People have been beaten. You know? People have been hurt, profoundly. So, okay, I never thought I would be one of these people who would go, “um, I think I got into…one of these relationships…”
Thanks for reading, if anyone is. I just can’t believe this guru.