In general, I cannot thank this energy workshop I’m doing enough, I had lots of crap to clear, I don’t need to live with characters in my head, type of deal, though I still have these “influences” channeling through me while I type, sometimes, claiming my words, trying to impose wisdom onto me… that was quite a hurdle. I felt like, at times, my thoughts and ideas were almost not mine, just had to clear a few people out of my life, taking a breath, so I could hear my own voice. But this energy workshop really helped me to find my space, again, and I’m only a couple of weeks in. I had to set up some strict boundaries — like, I don’t know, but I gotta go. I have to stop typing sometimes and clear this person out of my head. Really annoying. These are people I know, by the way. That I’ve cleared out. Everyday, I wake up a bit clearer — have to stop and ask this person to leave.
If I’m having a bad day, type of deal, I do not want to begin overanalyzing myself. This is what I mean. I didn’t have this problem in the past. That’s…that person. And honestly, I don’t know what to say about some of the help I got back there.
Overall, I feel back in my own head, thinking about what I learned in the course of living my whopping 38 years of life. I mean, this energy workshop simply says — if there’s anyone in the center of your head with you — just ask them to leave. So that seems to be a common feeling, interestingly enough, and that seems to indicate an overactive mind. Not some “weird gift,” again, these “gifts” of mine only caused me more problems.
Anyhoo, been clearing these people out, some of the things I learned, and I feel like I can almost, totally, breathe again. The workshop leader, based on what he said, called what I’m going through “A growth period,” where you’re feeling grumpy and all that, so I’ve been sitting with that and continuing to make different choices around that, and that’s better too. Seriously, though, sometimes, I can’t even write a sentence. Especially when it comes to this type of thinking.
The growth period is even clearing, but this morning, I found myself waking up with some negative thoughts. Just because I’m aware that I made some choices and I find it now a bit challenging to imagine a way back to the states. That’s fine, that’s coming. However, this manifestation workshop ends up being a good compliment, because I had to remind myself this morning — I’m exactly where I want to be. So, on the home front, the personal front, finances, not really, but I’m talking with a producer about writing a script — Once Upon a Time on Miracle Mile —seeing it. I’m visualizing. I’m almost done with my book, I set a goal to finish it this month, that is, block it out. So I’m exactly where I want to be. I’ve been trying to get here, actually, and that was challenging for many reasons. I’m doing it. Who knows how opportunities are going to come in? That’s all fine. I never had a problem with that? I started sending out excerpts, I have to do that now. There was one, not bad, as a beginning, again, a book — what do you want to do? What kind of book?
So, I had a scene from an earlier draft in the beginning with the kids in Naples, me as a kid, which is sweet, though not entirely true, meaning, I didn’t spend Christmas there, but that doesn’t matter, it’s more of the return to childhood feel, with a short scene with “Death” the oldest storyteller on the plane, unable to move. There’s something about Death being there, in the beginning, just that opening scene, that works — it’s the end of the year — really the beginning. I don’t know so much about the “sport,” but as a piece of writing — it had real heart. So I sent that to Joyland, as it was a longer piece of really good writing, I thought, and I love Clarice Lispector, so some of it reminded me of her, which made me feel better about that approach, so I thought, I’ll try sending this one out. And then, I have so much to get out there from this book. People publish all sorts of content year-round, so I won’t get caught up in time. So, I have to remind myself sometimes that I’m exactly where I want to be.
It’s true, Christmas in Naples, or Naples is a comedy, too, you know, it could be a touch Zoolander, and be extremely valuable because of it, so I have fun because there’s a lot of range there, and I’m just trying to get the basic structure down, so I can then get more clarity on what it is, but I liked this old debut, something about the oldest storyteller — works, how funny, and I gotta clear that “friend” who had “plans” behind my back “to play Death” in some “fantasy movie in the future,” not like that wasn’t my dream, but a, it’s not that impossible of a dream, for one, and I’m not planning on casting him, you know? I’m not there yet, so not there, and he seemed like he was THERE. Years. Just please. I don’t want to carry someone else’s fantasies, meaning, um, he’s never even read anything, so this is what I mean about my head. For example. I had to seriously clear this guy from my head. That aside, I thought that the oldest storyteller wasn’t really in this draft, which he might not be, it’s just, as a debut, it has an emotional charge and a blend of fiction and nonfiction. A voice you want to follow. So I’m sitting with that. And I keep moving forward.
Anyway, all good. Never going back. Grateful for the road… the lessons I learned though I don’t know…yet…what I learned… I’m getting there. It took me significant work to just — keep the focus — what are you aiming to do, here? So, once I started clearing my space, this producer came in, out of nowhere, so I’m aware that things can come in out of nowhere, and then, I’m getting this book done.
Feeling great, again. I’m going to run…and get back to my draft and send excerpts out. Look for jobs. Not hopefully, I know, this producer will go — alright, we did it, we can develop it, here’s some money, and now, we can talk more about the journey of the thing.
Good day!