Let it be known, I am in a library in a palace that’s also a university, but I don’t really get service here, so I can’t show you what it looks like, some lecture is happening, like I care. The point is, I cleared my system of limiting beliefs. I blocked this person who started playing old games. Making up shit. You see, I pulled out. I was just nice. I have no goddamn issue with his schedule! He didn’t even seem to READ my email. He has no clue how he came across. Blocked. Gone. You failed. Not me. You’re the one who reached out to me, not the other way around. I felt that shit—on the other side. You PROJECT, and guess what? No more. Never felt better.
Look, in terms of my character, I think I’m straight. As for my former best friend calling himself my manager? Goodbye. Imagine telling Will that this man said he would kill a politician. Just please. Oh, you’d murder someone? Excuse me for getting scared especially with the “as your manager” comment that followed, and let it be known here, DAVE CHAPPELLE supported me through this. “As your manager?” What do you do? I’m a writer. “Do they have managers?” You know, what, CHAPPELLE in my mind is telling me — now it’s time to go get one. One…who does that…for a living.
I feel very secure. I had to put on Dave Chappelle walking through middle America on my wall. I didn’t understand all the feelings I was going through at the time, can’t help I was repressed, had problems to work out, but I gave this person 5,000 dollars for like a couch and a couple of items…how stupid was that? Just dumb. Wanting to support his design, share this moment, since I thought that’s what he wanted to do. I know, he’ll use his stock…so he can do…a design.
I can’t get caught up in my own stuff, that was another life, but that was weird. That one took a second to unravel, I must admit, sure, the design was beautiful, but think about that. Just the whole thing. You live and learn. And then, he lied to me about leaving the key, didn’t even apologize, just please. I don’t give a shit that I went through SENSATIONS I didn’t understand. Now, if this person dares to — ?
I feel very good today, you know, I had a rough couple of days, I suppose, but then this manifestation workshop I’m doing was sort of perfectly timed through the fear and self-sabotage section. Like, why would I remain small? Am I not amazing? I embraced a thief — you? Okay? So in regarding lowly punishment jealousy systems, guess what? I rise above in The Year I was Invaded by the Russians. Bratan, my Russian street slang for brother…his example gives me so much strength, because that story is totally amazing, and I flipped the logic on him, this extraordinary person, so once again, the Oldest Storyteller encouraged me to hold myself up high.
But then, I don’t have to be friends with everyone.
A Russian Systema Master pointed to me with a whip — you cannot be a warrior with tensions. He said that I was a warrior. A light warrior. Dark likes light, he said, in broken English, movingly, so that’s all. I might as well live with confidence, no? That I am capable of anything, that I’m a super good person, that I deserve success — you know what I mean? I know who I am. I might not know all the details of what that crazy ass story was on Miracle Mile, but that was a pretty big deal.
At least, I made it through whatever this fear or self-sabotage was, and Hoffmann confirmed that she had a dream that I was in Los Angeles — boom. Good sign. I got up earlier than my alarm, so that’s better, just getting up earlier, getting to work — somewhere that’s not where I live — a library — and just doing what I need to do.
I spent an hour meditating this morning on manifesting my goal for this month. I’m working on the Bible, so I might as well put all the gold energy into it that it’s going to get to the next step. I have the type of story that’s super interesting and topical, so I’ll make a page about that, probably, with the woman from The Hand that Rocks the Cradle…just because the story on Miracle Mile skates the edge of foster care, eek, this woman didn’t call social services for that reason. Whoosh, who on earth would want to be in that position? No one. Plus, there was an article that came out about the state stealing foster care kids’ money, and that girl in France who falsely accused a boy of raping her because…her brother did? And this expert said that it’s not that uncommon. I don’t know what to say about the gap of two years, the discrepancy in her testimony, but that’s something else.
I think that Once Upon a Time on Miracle Mile has the right ingredients as a story to impact the masses as is, it’s touching, this family is hilarious, a miracle of a hybrid, Brazilian and Jewish, and they find themselves in a truly insane scenario. Most of the time, I lean on Barbara Harris, because she was original, and this meeting of styles, in a sense, just cause it’s a bit dark, no? I’ll watch Hitchcock, just the father at the dark door…watching his daughter and this little girl put on a “HAPPY” spectacle.
I thought, it’s sort of a classic build, I guess — we start in the car with a fabulously entertaining person to ME VA ME VA Julio Iglesias — and we end in family court. No? That’s the rising action…what do they do? So that way, we can use this as an opportunity to show someone on this edge, even if this trial would be a touch fictional, I saw nothing but opportunities to bring forward how that system would have responded to my situation if they had been called, how common these abuses are… just what they even have to say about it. I even thought, oh, this family is not going to understand, for example, the rules…even. It’s a great opportunity for scenes around this couple, a story of family strength. It’s so sweet, it was love at first sight between them. Who doesn’t love this…she was in a bikini on a beach in Brazil…and that was…the end of it. He was Jewish.
I can see myself circling her — this is “a temporary insanity plea” in a nutshell, okay?
Anyway, something quick, because I found myself shrinking a little for no reason, like it’s not possible, when people develop scripts all the time with people, even people who…don’t write…like this isn’t that impossible. I moved through some limiting beliefs this morning with this manifestation workshop and replaced them with better ones. Dave Chappelle says? “This is going to go well,” that’s what HE says in the wings…. and he won five Grammys.
I didn’t get the impression that this producer had an idea what I should do, it seems, only gave me A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints as a place to start. I go a bit back and forth as to whether or not this psychological drama comedy around this family resonates as the most successful, impactful, you know? I think so. I’m making a Bible for that one right now, just because, they’re strong roles, you can see some hilarious Seventh Heaven, but it’s 9 people, you see, so two more, throwing family dance parties — it’s funny, with some image of us in red sweaters with some girl’s cute face that looks nothing like them. I see it.
At least, I can bring that drama to its full expression…that’s more or less what I was thinking this round just because sometimes, the ingredients are just right in a story. I was just looking out foster care movies, one with Mark Wahlberg, which I’ll probably watch, I’ll be working on this Bible if not more than one, I mean, just the text, since that’s easier to produce now, and I’ll see…
So…here’s my story. I was four. She was Brazilian. They were Jewish. But she still danced to her Mary and Jesus candles, why? Because they were Jewish. Time to dance. It didn’t matter what time it was.
Believing in myself gets a little easier every day. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that it’s really a belief system driving one’s life, you see, though I don’t know what to say about people who have low self-esteem but still achieve, so I marked that down too — just get me there.
I’ll spend today doing my movie Bible and I might do some more…this week.
I’m having dinner with my roommate tonight at some spot nearby —so that should be fun, at Golden Mile. So I’ll meditate on that one. Anyway, I’m off.