On Craigslist. Getting Christmas ornaments. Looking at plants. Wanting to grow my family of fourteen. I thought, wiping leaves, that I could begin playing Dr. J by showing her looking at puppies… thinking about Ghislane. Which one she’s going to get for her. “Dr. J picks out Ghislane’s puppy.” Just let her live and breathe. I’m going to have to work on it, because she was hard to believe. I think that might be a good place to start. I have to purchase a red wig. Or I can try to find the Louis IV grey wig she did for a moment there, pompous. It’s just, she had such a distinctive appearance, so I hope I would be able to reproduce her, her serious yet vacant stare staring at these puppies. She might be serious about it. But I could start there. Just a short clip of Dr. J buying Ghislane’s puppy, whatever that’s about. She’s posing for Hallmark photos with her. I have to get a wig. I have to get a suit. I’d have to get contacts, I think, blue contacts. My mother’s look was so alien, she had the whitest skin, and the bluest eyes, I might not totally be able to communicate the otherworldliness of her. Not unless I take it in another direction… so I’ll have to think about that real quick, it’s just the suit… only Krizia, Dr. J, only at work. I’ll have to spend some time in a rehearsal room just trying to find her. I have to get the right suit. It’s not that, that’s more me, in all this, but she’s in a skirt suit. I have to find the right suit, the Ferragamos, and the wig.
My friend and I, I don’t even think he was that big yet as a producer, we just sent this museum a proposal for a call for work within the theme. I could start trying out ideas and see if anything gets picked up. It probably would help if I could start creating work. Even if I could recreate a bit of this vibe. Dr. J. With thousands of cities. Funny ones too. ABU DHABI. Or just Abu Dhabi. But that’s basically it. 1992. I’m going to purchase this poster right now. That’s the woman who told Angelica Leibowitz my father was abusive, drinking driving and looking for sex downtown…almost nightly… that’s her. I might need to put out a call soon and see if there’s any… super light skinned blue eyed women out there… and try and recreate this lighting. Except, I see her looking UP, closer. Same text. I can probably photoshop it. Start an Instagram account for her. “The Tales of Dr. J.” Something. And then, I can explore the dimension of opera… rape, speaking of rape, beating, in a most unusual fashion — wee! What movie did I just, Bugonia, I have to watch that. It’s about the madness of today. Maybe TikTok is the better place for her to live… with all these unreal hearts around her, flapping her wrist around… BURSTING out of some department store with 15,000 bags. I need a limo. I need Michel, her lover/driver. But maybe I can get there… sunglasses, scratching her wig, she’s on her way to the Trump building. That’s where she lives. Right? She’s PLAYING the piano… she’s playing the organ…going back and forth… at the same time… a genius! Throwing papers. In the throes. Yeah, I think she’s good. I just have to find… her pathos… as she’s going to throw herself on people… men, she’s going to become monsterous, somehow.
She’s just EXPENSIVE. She has to look expensive, and she has to be hot. She’s a monster. But she IS fashion. So maybe I can play with whatever that is, I mean, she’s bursting onto the scene without a top on… I don’t have her breasts, and Angelica Leibowitz would be able to confirm, but I might have nice enough boobs, or something, or I can get kitch and do something else, since nudity always makes me slightly uncomfortable, but she’s naked… at the party… maybe she can wear a scarf. Nothing but possibilites there. I would just have to develop it, but that’s probably something I can start doing… I just need a suit, wig, and Ferragamos. Or I need to find HER. But in any case, I need to get in a rehearsal room and see if I can simply find her. But I found the Ferragamos… in my size… so I’m going to purchase them because they aren’t expensive. As long as it’s expensive.
I just spent hours looking for this ONE photo that randomly disappeared from the collection of photos I have. There’s one of Dr. J at this weird photo shoot we did at the fancy prep school I went to with Angelica’s daughter to facilitate these years… as it’s the right vibe for the character… and I don’t know what to do… okay, I’m going to breathe, and put this away….and look through it again when I have the energy to. It’s just the perfect photo of her. But that’s my plan — is to develop a character for the performance art scene… she’s a museum piece. She could be in a kind of rap video. Some video, maybe not a rap song, I don’t know, but she could be throwing bills… sex scandal… throwing bills. One, two, three, a wad into camera. She’s suddenly, shark like, rushing to save a man from the IRS with personnel. “Dr. J, Dr. J, someone needs you…” and she’s scurrying to her limo— might as well put little American flags on the limo, flapping really really fast in the breeze, crossing Beverly Hills city limits… Oh man, I hope I didn’t randomly lose this photograph. There was one of my parents together. I’ll leave you with this one… it’s from the same day… where is this photo? It’s the ONLY one that isn’t in this collection, and I’m wondering did I download it and erase it by accident? It makes no sense. And unfortunately, I did try and back up my computer, and it sort of didn’t work, like I have no space for it, so I might go over to the genius bar and have one of these hilarious convos with them as I don’t know ANYTHING about computers. Maybe they can lend me one so I can figure this out. ANYWAY, I’m letting it go.
I have to find THAT wig. It’s orange. Let’s hope I find it.
