I’m not sure that we can telepathically communicate. Waiting for the C, I’m alright as long as the guru doesn’t come to mind, this relationship I got into this past decade that I just did not need. I didn’t need the whole decade.
I work 5 nights a week right now, and I have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow to work my weekend writing job. I’m used to it, my roommate got us new nespresso packets, so I’m set. I make no money for how much I work.
There’s nothing I can do, I’m starting from scratch, so. I keep telling myself I can move fast. I can move as fast as I can. Not having money at 40 feels rough especially because I had some. But luckily the guru’s voice is gone, I’m back to where I was before I met this guy who brought me nothing but more problems.
“It doesn’t matter how much the rent is.”
I guess he came from an extremely wealthy family. But it was more so the dark side of meditation talking — like I could manifest the money into existence. That’s fine, but it was more…the idea that money wasn’t real to him, like I didn’t need to deplete my resources. Ever met all the wrong people at the same time?
Walking down the stairs of this restaurant I work at, I’m looking for other work, because I can’t even go out and meet people right now, as I work nights. But for the moment that’s alright, I’m alright. I feel better overall. I think miracle mile is going well, this piece for EPIC I’m writing. It’s just, honestly, I really don’t need the added complications of needing to spin up a future reality that I’m supposed to locate in meditations so I can download the information… necessary to make the probable reality in which I’m accepted by that publication a real reality — isn’t that amazing? That guru was really out there, he was really the last thing I needed.
I keep telling myself, look, I got here, it took my life thus far, actually, to get here basically speaking, so I have to remind myself that there’s no way I could have done what I’m doing now back then — even singing again. I don’t know what to do. I hate waiting tables. I truly do. I really like who I work for, that’s not the problem, it’s just the another job will eventually present itself, sure, though I’m mostly trying to think proactively: what can I do to make money?
I have to get out of restaurants. I needed a job, so being here a moment is alright, but I need to go out at night. I need to meet people. I wish I met that person, who told me that ten years ago: you gotta put yourself out there — not spend your time meditating. I only go down these roads when I’m tired. I have to wake up soon. I’m home now. So I have to find a day job, fast. That’s my next goal. I need my nights free. It’s fine as a short-term solution to my basic problem, but I need to move out…
Okay that’s next. If I were to work a couple of nights a week to make extra cash, that would be one thing. I told them I was looking for a day job, so they know it’s coming, at least, but now I really have to think— who can I call? What can I do?
It’s funny because this guru said family was my life idea — I didn’t want to write about family. It wasn’t my life idea, ugh, this guy, I was in a situation, it’s a whole thing, I’ve been trying to work OUT of that for my life… just the worst. He truly was the worst masquerading as — a superior being. He wasn’t always that way, I have to think about it, but mostly, yeah. He acted as if he were a guru.
So — day job. That’s my assignment. Get out of restaurants.