I’m making fun of myself, but I got 15 minutes with a headshot photographer, so I’m mostly using it as a learning experience — like, I have to pick one, so he’ll edit one, but I’m probably going to have to redo these. I’ll have a photo to start with. I need to let go a bit more. Like him telling me channel gratitude, I don’t know what to say, but I would have preferred — just smile and make stupid faces, like who cares? I can see where personality is, at least, and where it’s not, like, how am I trying to present myself, so this sheet is useful.
I hate my sagging eyelids, I do, they don’t always look like that, but I’m a little older now, so this gives me a good marker as to where I am. I think the woman who did my make up, too, didn’t totally get it, so I’ll go to someone else. I wanted to wear a dress just to be a bit more feminine and sexier than I normally presented myself. I’m trying to work with my long hair, but sometimes I wonder if I should go short again, just do the spunky side of life.
I don’t know yet, I don’t know what to do with my look. These ones look good, if you would, but that doesn’t mean anything, I know that. I’m looking at these and going, who am I, where do I see you? Some of these I’m going, sure, Law and Order, or a mom, someone’s wife, you know, I’m trying to think in that way. It’s not a beauty shot.
I would change the dress, though I don’t mind it, but I have more personality than I’m showing and I have to get over receding a bit, into myself, which I know is normal. I don’t seem to know what to do with my face. I mean, how I’m angling it, so I’ll think about that next time. I almost want to find someone who’s a photographer, but not necessarily a headshot photographer who I could just play around with. So I could angle my face around, and just play with the camera as I don’t know how to do that.
But here they are, the first shots, I almost want to do another style, like sitting down, or something, a throwback to the olden days. But there you go. I’m just thinking personality. It’s funny — isn’t it? What I look like? Coming out of THAT tale. Yup, that’s basically it. I was in sex scandal when I was four, lol, and I’m launching undercover investigations at nine, and I’m inserting Hades into my epic mental health event — and writing a new mythology while I’m there and caring for people in the hospital, at the same time. I was trying to tell people that I didn’t go through a psychosis, I don’t think, but who knows — so that’s me. I’m laughing. But like, this is me right now without make up on. You know? I look younger, no? I can.
I have to fix my hair, but I’m wondering if doing something that let’s it be a little fun and crazy, like putting it up, might look better. You see? My eyelids don’t look at saggy, when you just leave them open, I wish I did my own makeup, actually. I have nice skin. I almost like doing a freshface — look. I wonder if I could do it again, with someone else, just like that, too, a white tank, I wasn’t sure on that end. Hair up, maybe.